Any Germans reading this?

Are there any Germans reading this? I need help!

When we moved to Turkey 6 years ago, we were blessed to be able to buy our major appliances used. A family was leaving, they said to just keep quiet as some didn't know yet they were leaving. We agreed...just sell us the fridge at 1/2 retail value and we won't say a word. I did know, however, that at some point our already used stuff would die. Last week my dryer died. To replace the heating element would cost more than it was worth, so we opted to buy another one. Our good Turkish friend took me today (translation: helped me not get cheated with a 'special price for an American') to a place where you can buy new appliances at a fraction of the cost. What's the catch? you ask. I asked also. Evidently people buy things on credit, needing quick cash (I am going to assume the cash is not for something like drugs, perhaps an urgent medical bill?), then sell it cheaper to this guy for cash. He marks it up slightly from what he paid and sells it. Whatever that cash was used for, I am still thankful for a deal.

The only problem was that my new dryer instructions were all in German. None of the words said, "Gutentag" which means, "Good morning" and is the only German word I know. Years ago, I might have shuddered and said, "Well, I can't read them. I can't buy this." But I am a big girl now and thought I could overcome the problem. I bought it, brought it home, then told my 10 year old I'd pay her a dollar to translate it all for me. She hopped on the Internet, went to a free German-English site, and soon presented me with my instructions in my mother tongue. Amazing, isn't she?

But then I spent 15 minutes of pure insanity trying to get you a non-blurry photograph of my German instructions. I was determined for my blog readers to see this. I finally forced myself to stop after 17 digital pictures. You'll just have to read it in its blurred form. Well, that is, if you can read German. That "pf" word in the top left meant, "Easy" which I did not find to be the case. Then moving on down, the first word meant "very dry." Ok, got it. The next word meant, "Cupboard dry." Cupboard dry? Sometimes my cupboards are bare, but rarely are they dry. In fact, just yesterday, I wiped out a sticky brown pile of pekmez (Turkish molasses made from mulberries) in my cupboard. So, how can my clothes become cupboard dry? Perhaps that means dry enough to put in my cupboards? For fun, I typed out the literal translation and taped it to the dryer. Can't you just see some young single guy borrowing our house for the summer, going to dry his clothes and scratching his head in wonder? Let's see, do I want my clothes cupboard dry? The other interesting one was "Koch/Bunt." Koch meant "cook/chef." and Bunt meant, "colorful." Do I want a colorful chef to cook for me? Perhaps some ethnic food from his home country?! Absolutely! It will do that, too? I really did get a steal.

But alas, I typed all those interesting not-quite-clearly-translated words into English and taped them on the machine.

I need to throw a load in now. I think I'll turn the dial to cupboard dry. Just for fun.