You have my permission to laugh

Ok, readers, it gets worse. I made a VERY conscious choice NOT to dedicate a blog post to a louse or to lice. However, today it must be done. I took 3 of my girls and Benaiah to the mall last night to buy a gift for a birthday party Mary Erin will be attending tonight. On the drive home, I felt itchy. Is is psychological? Is is nerves? Is it a dry scalp from 3 bottles of pesticide? Is it a raw scalp from one, Ross Campbell, faithfully pulling my hairs one by one for inspection? How is one to know? There it was again, a definite itch. I called Ross, we met back at home for another 'episode of combing.' After about a 1/2 hour, we both wondered, even if he didn't find anything, would I feel satisfied that the lice were gone? no. never. We decided to try mayonnaise, after hearing from several that it works like a charm (and after putting so many chemicals on my head that I began to feel like a commercial for Chem-Lawn). We put the kids to bed none too soon,
and Ross said, "You do have mayonnaise, don't you."
"Sure. I have Miracle Whip."
"Miracle Whip?! That's not mayonnaise, Sara. That's what I ate as a kid because I didn't like mayonnaise."
"Well, I didn't. I thought it was mayonnaise."
"Where did you get Miracle Whip?"
"It was a gift from someone with US base access."
"So you are telling me that at 9:00 at night, I have to go hunt down mayonnaise."
"Yes."
Off he went, and as I watched him leave the room, I stifled a laugh. And that would be the first laugh I have had all week. I am not sure why I stifled it, I should have let it out, I suppose. Ross' shoulders were slumped, head down, pajama pants already on. I apologized for laughing and he then pretended to be holding a gun and said, "I will win! I will kill them all!" (referring to the lice or the louse).

He first went down to the bakkal (a tiny one-room grocery in the bottom of our building). He found one small jar of mayonnaise. Then he came back and rushed the grocery, entering at 9:29 (it closes at 9:30) and bought two VERY large bottles of mayonnaise. This is when it got funny. Ross began lathering thick, strong-smelling mayonnaise in my hair. I was gagging from the smell. We began joking. "Mmmm, you smell good enough to eat." and "I am not sure I'd like mayo on my sandwich...for a very long time." It was good to laugh, finally. Benaiah, feeling neglected these last 4 days, began to cry. Have you ever tried to hold an infant in your lap while mayonnaise is being spread on your head? I have. Finally we decided to let me finish the lathering while Ross held Benaiah.

After being so covered with mayo that I could hardly turn my head for the weight of my 'crown,' Ross wrapped my head in Saran Wrap. I felt so good about this, knowing the Saran Wrap would hold all the mayo in. I was looking forward to holding the baby, watching CNN, with my white bee hive. I got in the shower to get rid of any residual mayo, when I realized the mayo was separating, with the oil from it running down my body. You do have permission to laugh. So, I tied a bandanna around my head to stop the oil. It still ran. I stuffed cotton balls all around the bandanna. It still ran. I tied another bandanna around those. It stopped.

At 5 this morning, I took my mayo-wrapped head and fed the baby, then promptly washed my hair 3 times. Guess what? No itches today. And I think the egg and oil in the mayo must have healed my tender scalp, too.

I will NOT attach a picture of this unfortunate event, you'll just have to use your imaginations.