Friday, November 14, 2008

You have my permission to laugh

Ok, readers, it gets worse. I made a VERY conscious choice NOT to dedicate a blog post to a louse or to lice. However, today it must be done. I took 3 of my girls and Benaiah to the mall last night to buy a gift for a birthday party Mary Erin will be attending tonight. On the drive home, I felt itchy. Is is psychological? Is is nerves? Is it a dry scalp from 3 bottles of pesticide? Is it a raw scalp from one, Ross Campbell, faithfully pulling my hairs one by one for inspection? How is one to know? There it was again, a definite itch. I called Ross, we met back at home for another 'episode of combing.' After about a 1/2 hour, we both wondered, even if he didn't find anything, would I feel satisfied that the lice were gone? no. never. We decided to try mayonnaise, after hearing from several that it works like a charm (and after putting so many chemicals on my head that I began to feel like a commercial for Chem-Lawn). We put the kids to bed none too soon,
and Ross said, "You do have mayonnaise, don't you."
"Sure. I have Miracle Whip."
"Miracle Whip?! That's not mayonnaise, Sara. That's what I ate as a kid because I didn't like mayonnaise."
"Well, I didn't. I thought it was mayonnaise."
"Where did you get Miracle Whip?"
"It was a gift from someone with US base access."
"So you are telling me that at 9:00 at night, I have to go hunt down mayonnaise."
Off he went, and as I watched him leave the room, I stifled a laugh. And that would be the first laugh I have had all week. I am not sure why I stifled it, I should have let it out, I suppose. Ross' shoulders were slumped, head down, pajama pants already on. I apologized for laughing and he then pretended to be holding a gun and said, "I will win! I will kill them all!" (referring to the lice or the louse).

He first went down to the bakkal (a tiny one-room grocery in the bottom of our building). He found one small jar of mayonnaise. Then he came back and rushed the grocery, entering at 9:29 (it closes at 9:30) and bought two VERY large bottles of mayonnaise. This is when it got funny. Ross began lathering thick, strong-smelling mayonnaise in my hair. I was gagging from the smell. We began joking. "Mmmm, you smell good enough to eat." and "I am not sure I'd like mayo on my sandwich...for a very long time." It was good to laugh, finally. Benaiah, feeling neglected these last 4 days, began to cry. Have you ever tried to hold an infant in your lap while mayonnaise is being spread on your head? I have. Finally we decided to let me finish the lathering while Ross held Benaiah.

After being so covered with mayo that I could hardly turn my head for the weight of my 'crown,' Ross wrapped my head in Saran Wrap. I felt so good about this, knowing the Saran Wrap would hold all the mayo in. I was looking forward to holding the baby, watching CNN, with my white bee hive. I got in the shower to get rid of any residual mayo, when I realized the mayo was separating, with the oil from it running down my body. You do have permission to laugh. So, I tied a bandanna around my head to stop the oil. It still ran. I stuffed cotton balls all around the bandanna. It still ran. I tied another bandanna around those. It stopped.

At 5 this morning, I took my mayo-wrapped head and fed the baby, then promptly washed my hair 3 times. Guess what? No itches today. And I think the egg and oil in the mayo must have healed my tender scalp, too.

I will NOT attach a picture of this unfortunate event, you'll just have to use your imaginations.


Michele said...

Oh my word. You SLEPT with that?! I can't imagine. So I need pictures. You can't post a story like this without pictures. Just can't - it's totally against blog rules. You did read them, didn't you?

SevenSwansaswimming said...

Yes, you do need to post a picture of that! How did you even lay down to sleep with that goo in your hair?! That is too funny, but hopefully it worked! Whitney

Stacey said...

I sure do love and miss you! How in the world did you sleep? Like the others, there's gotta be a pic!

Melanie Keffer said...

I make it unanimous about the pictures! Oh my. I laughed until my face hurt. Sara, Sara . . . Is it that the lice in Turkey are tougher than they are here? American lice are much easier to get rid of! Bless your heart! You are lucky your hair didn't fall out! Thanks for the laugh today. Glad you are okay.


Katie said...

Of course my first thought, too, is that she HAS to have pictures of this - so if you do, you cannot get away with not posting - too funny!

Amy Mac said...

Sara- this is my first time visiting your blog and it is fabulous! I have heard of the mayo trick .... hope I never have to use it b/c mayo GAGS me - always has, but both my girls LOVE it. Hmmm.....come visit my blog too! Amy

Sara said...

Sorry everyone, the camera was as far away from me as possible. It was not a pretty sight, and at that point, I am not sure my self-esteem could have handled a photo shoot. Maybe there will be a next time!!!:)

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