I'll give you a break from Istanbul and voice some thoughts and feelings I've had over the last few days. We were married in 1996 and had Thanksgiving in America as 1-week newlyweds. By the next year, we were gone, and we've never been "home" for Thanksgiving since. The first year in Singapore, I wondered what we would do for Thanksgiving. I thought maybe I could try to pull the meal off by myself, invite some folks over. And then a precious Indonesian/Chinese-American mom (named Esther) (of one of my students) invited CC and me to the Singapore American Club. That was a ritzy place that required an expensive membership. We'd never land a meal there without an invite from someone with a very nice overseas "package."
And so we went. In front of us was a buffet with better foods and more selections than I'd ever seen in my life, all classic American Thanksgiving foods with a gourmet twist. I could never have imagined what the Lord had in store for me that first year. And the real kick is that Esther reminded me from the first time I met her of an Asian version of my mom.
Each year since, we've opened our home for staff members who might like to come into a real "home" and be family for the day. It's been a blessing to us every year. God has always made it special. And yet, as these holidays creep up on me, even after 14 years, I still get homesick sometimes. Logically, I know I am the Mama now. And it's my job to create the traditions and memories for my own children, and I do that. But it doesn't take away the part of me that misses home. Sometimes I wonder if I am even missing childhood at the same time.
My sweet friend J blessed me with some dark Karo syrup and B gave me the pecans her mom just brought in the luggage when she visited. Pecan pie is, oh so easy, with all the right stuff ready to go in it. But as I made it, I couldn't help but think about when I was a little girl and my dad would take us to Hall's Diner on Sunday nights for a meal. He used to let me choose any piece of pie to order after the meal. I always chose pecan, it was my favorite. And I remember my dad enjoying me always choosing the same kind of pie. My girls had never had it until last Thanksgiving. They liked it! Their memories and experiences are so very different from mine, but I pray they are as good as mine were.
And after much prayer and discussion with my husband, I've decided this past week to take the third grade teaching position for next year. Big Ben will start school in the Fall (I'm hoping his maturity will catch up with his 35lb frame!), and so I decided I'm ready to go back to teaching. It's been 13 years since I've taught full-time. Overwhelming, yes. But I feel like that is the ministry for which God has equipped me. One thing that made the whole decision a lot easier is thinking of my mom. She was a working mom back in the 70's, 80's, 90's and beyond. She worked so that we could attend a Christian school. Knowing that she was able to give her heart to her students each day, but still come home at night and love us so well, makes me think I'll be ok too.
And so, this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for many things, but today I voice my thankfulness to my parents.
2 comments:
Stop.It.!!!!! I have guests coming soon and I am doing my best to keep my eyes at just misting!
Dearest Sara:
The best posts are when you share like this. It brings tears to my eyes. In the past I have thought about your mom, and the wonderful mother she was/is, how she worked so you could be in a Christian school and yet she was still mom at the same time.
I am not sure why I became so attached to your blog. In the beginning it was because of Kathleen. I always love the people who love my children. I don't even question it. You were a teacher who loved your students and I remember that well.
I agree with you about your calling. (Not that you needed anyone to agree . . .) I have seen that in you. I have pondered it because my own calling has been so different. I was not called to be a working mom. I know that for a fact. That does not make me a better mother than anyone else. I just notice those things.
So much of what you talk about makes me relate to my family and my growing up. I understand the longing for "childhood" days. I, too, feel that at times. This holiday season has been one of those instances. For the first time in years, I feel the way I used to feel when I was a kid at home with my mother and dad. They made Christmas/Thanksgiving so special. I have those same feelings, and like you, my kids are growing up oh, so different than I did. Also, like you, I hope that I am helping create wonderful memories for them like my parents did for me. One thing I purposed in my heart from the very beginning when I became a mother was that my children would know I loved them, they would know I was proud of them and they would know I believed in them. I wanted to instill in them a love of Jesus Christ and the confidence that they could do anything with His help.
That is the reason you will see me talk about them the way I do on my Facebook page. Though I am technically sharing with family and close friends, my real purpose has always been for them to know how proud of them I am. Every time they call my FB page, "a shameless display" I smile to myself and think, "Mission accomplished!"
I am so happy for you Sara, and so proud of you. Good luck with your teaching. I know God is going to be with you in it all. It is exciting to go down the path He has for us, don't you think? I do!
Love,
Melanie
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